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08:26 pm: mi amor
I cant believe uim sitting at home, not seeing Authority Zero cuz i gotta take the SATs tomorrow. Im so nervious and i will probably do horrible on it because i have so much on my mind.
I am a confused girl. My mind is pretty much spinning with thoughts. I want to call Craig so bad. But i cant.

Last night me and sara went to chris' house and hung ouyt for a little it and then chris bought weed from jacks sister so we met up with them. WEveryone guat packed in chris' car and sara left and me,chris,jack,mike and dustin went to mike's dock and smoked a blunt. I left and went home and thankfully fell asleep. i hate sitting up at night thinking about shit. Me and sara went to the gym this morning which was nice becasue working out always destresses me. We went back to my house and showered and went to the movies and she called chris to come. chris and mike showed up all baked and they wouldnt stop laughing in the theater when i was trying to watch harry potter and yeah. So after the movie we went back to chris' house and smoked a blunt and sara left and i got bored so i left and went home and slept. It sucks being by urself. my parents are out and i have no 1 to talk to so i just end up thinking about a lot of shit. Tomorrow night were having a little party at chris' house. it should be a good time. I REALLY miss craig but i have to ignore it until i know completely what i want to do.
im so horny..man. this sucks.

i mean im having a good time but i feel empty without craig. But i think i need to feel a little empty right now. I dont want to fuck with his head but thats what ended up happening. I feel like a bad person. I used to do this shit all the time to ryan and i really dont want our relationship to turn into that because me and craig really have something special. I feel like we are absolutely perfect for one another and that no one will ever compare to him. Things have only been fucked up lately because of my bull shit. I have it implanted into my head that hes probably gonna cheat on me. And i actually wouldnt have that much of a problem with it because i did the same thing to him and i almost think that its siomething that can help you figure out wehat you really want. I hooked up with craig when me and ryan were on a break and it confirmed all of the doubts i was feeling weith ryan and it cvonfirmed all th feelings i was having for craig. Then on monday when me and mike kissed, i just felt guilty and sad. im so confused and i feel alone right now. Calling craig and hanging out with him tonight would be taking the easy way out of this and i dont want to do that. I want to experience everything i need to in this time so that i can make the decision and never look back.

maybe TV will get my mind off all this


[User Picture]
Date:June 19th, 2004 09:08 pm (UTC)
Your user picture makes you look like blossom! WHOAAA... haha ok
-One Love-
<3 Cielo
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